Back to study.

It is somehow easier when you are in a much familiar place like the city where you went to medical school in, where your functions are better adjusted without effort and the big zone is just comfortable. You have many friends who are in the same sphere and who share the same dreams as you do. Connecting is easy.

Another scenario would be—during these times after graduation, after another set of test like your home country’s board examinations, for example, the circle becomes less and less. Many are now going off to residency training or for some, many have gone back to their own countries or home states studying on their own (USMLE, PLAB, etc.) or whatever it is that they do. The circle again becomes smaller even. Then, you find yourself one day, also to have moved out of the circle. And when you come to think of it, no one is really left in the circle because the circle seem to have whirled itself into a dot. And, some of these dots are now all over the world forming new circles! Or, some of the other dots scatter, quietly and eventually finding its place in yet other types of circles.

While I am very familiar with the United States, frequent trips here for years in the past and watching how family and friends live does not make me feel easily connected right away. I had to adjust. I had to find connection. Especially when I hauled many of my books all across the Pacific having no certainty at that time if I am to stay for good this time or this is going to be just one of my trips again. My personal life ever so downplayed.

However, my eventual moving, as it turned out, had a huge personal nature. The professional cause of my trip was just to come, maybe stay, maybe go. Then it became too slow in keeping up with my personal life. I moved because I followed my proverbial heart. Sure, it’s okay to puke!

I did not just move on to the next endeavor which is to hit the books again, travel and stay for a short while, take the test and then go back to my old apartment in Asia. Somewhere in the middle of all of these, there is my life just kicking and screaming to take its place.

It was interestingly disconcerting. It was a strange crisis of sorts. Unlike my professional choices which are structured and boxed, this personal choice seem to have kicked the former to whimpering on the side. It almost made me nuttily laugh in surprise. Yes, my professional path was going to be tangential and eventually aligned with my personal path but at that point I could almost see the latter grab me by the hand, look me in the eye and say, “The right time is now. I cannot wait for that slow poke trailing behind.” And so I embraced something beyond my own self and beyond my own dreams. It became not about the exams, not about my career goals, but simply about my life and the life of the one I love.

I can carry my books all over the world, whenever I could and wherever place I am able to set my foot on. I was faced with an important question, immeasurable unlike the exam. I almost became stupid and went back to my comfort zone and just become content with making life wait. Like I often did.

But there is just that one moment in my life when I was very certain at two things so crazy. I may not be a winner all the time, but about these two, I am definitely the champion. One of them is the decision to act on a dream and the other more important one is to tear down my walls.

After the structure of medical school, it seems, life all around me just leaped at me and at some point I noticed and celebrated the colors of my own simple life—a human being who sometimes (many times) wonder why she subjects herself to this subtle torture. But we all know why. We who want to gravitate to the source, as I would say. We who want more answers to what we currently know. We who want, live, and dream of what is out there—answers in the most number of dimensions possible to questions of all complexities we can think of.

We, who at other aspects of our lives, have subsequently moved on but disconcertingly and willingly accepted this pause while yet again surrendering to another level of learning and re-learning.

At the core of all of these, I somehow understand and better value a shared experience. Thus, I cannot help but share with you a bit of myself while sharing about my study process. Because they too got married when I did.

Here are sites and groups where somehow I drew inspiration, received some good wishes, and partake some of the much-needed energy pie. They became my special circles—and in many ways, my affirmations along these roads.

Andreas Carl’s USMLE dot net

Rumors Were True

Facebook USMLE groups

Prep for USMLE Forum

Student Doctor Network

Kaplan Medical classmates from all over the world

USMLE takers from all over the world who randomly email me because they have read my blog

Some of my classmates and old friends from my home country

With this I hope, if you will, find your version of these circles. Especially if you take strength in being an unformidable dot who may be blown by the wind in any part of the world, I hope it is worth to know that there are many other dots who share with you, though far and scattered, this one big circle. And that idea makes me smile today.

Have a good week!

Postscript

This is not an endorsement of the Function Brainiac Carambola Drink. No, I was not paid. This brand is just lucky I was very thirsty when I sat at a cafe’ with my husband one day and needed something other than coffee. It claims to be spiked with nutrients. It did quench my thirst and I felt refreshed. Dear Function, hint…hint.

]]> http://usmlesteps.wordpress.com/2008/04/13/inspirations-circles/feed/ 1 myusmlestory http://usmlesteps.wordpress.com/2008/04/08/step-2-clinical-knowledge-i-now-begin/ http://usmlesteps.wordpress.com/2008/04/08/step-2-clinical-knowledge-i-now-begin/#comments Wed, 09 Apr 2008 05:16:29 +0000 myusmlestory http://usmlesteps.wordpress.com/?p=62 ]]> I officially began my reading some days ago. Off to the local university library, coffee in tow.

In the days before, while I was drafting my schedule, I softly started answering the 60 questions on CVS of the First Aid Q & A for the USMLE Step 2 CK, followed by its corresponding chapter in the First Aid for the USMLE Step 2 CK. I then reviewed my answers to the questions and the book’s explanations on these answers, followed by a swift second, more sensible read on the corresponding chapter.

Answering the Q & A on the Dermatology (Chapter 2) section came next, then I proceeded to the discussions on it on First Aid. I continued this way towards the succeeding chapters. I stopped at Gastrointestinal System today both for the practice questions and the First Aid.

So basically, by far, my readings are going this way:

1. Answer Questions from First Aid Q & A for USMLE Step 2 CK, by system chapter (i.e. Chapter 1 was Cardiology). Then,

2. Read the corresponding Chapter 1 of the First Aid for USMLE Step 2 Clinical Knowledge which is CVS.

3. Review my previous answers and the explanations to these answers in the Q & A.

4. Re-read the same chapter on the First Aid.

5. Repeat the book shifting process for the next systems—Dermatology, Endocrinology, GI, etc.

I am scheduling Internal Medicine for my first blow. Thus, for now, I am skipping chapters in between on Epidemiology, Ethics, etc.

I will eventually share my Step 2 CK reading schedule and preferred reading lists and courses when I am through taking and passing the examinations. That way, it will make more sense.

I will, however, from time to time, continue to share my dailies with the readings. And after each book I finish, I’ll mark it up with you in here.

This is the part when I say, “Good night.”

Another library find during those wallowing times was The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.

Awesome reads for me. I enjoyed the above two immensely as much as I enjoyed their other books, Complications: A Surgeon’s Notes on an Imperfect Science and Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.

For a bit, I was hesitant to write about this, as all of the USMLE blogs I read prior to starting my own reported success — and in the 90s at that. I felt low for a bit, thinking I would not like to report a low performance. But then again, the purpose of sharing my experiences, I realized, is not just about sharing the successes. It includes the struggles, the work, the doubts, the occasional fear, and yes, the truth. Most importantly, the truth — and the need to overcome that goes with it. Just like a high score, this result, too, can provide some sense and maybe some learning to others in the same boat. There are many, I know. I’ve read their experiences in the forums. I am one of them now. But I’d rather share my thoughts here. Just as much as I celebrated the blogs and the people behind them for their inspiring success and perseverance, I hope this blog too will reinforce resilience for those still on the path towards the ‘pass’ level. Most especially, I am encouraging myself. I am celebrating resilience. It will be my strength.

I have other inspirations to draw from. They are also IMGs like you and me. They went through the same road, though with unique rocks and marshmallows. They are now in practice. The tests in their pasts were remembered fondly as the doors to the next level of their medical lives, no matter how many times they went in and out of those doors. Some of these inspirations are also of the usual variety, they passed the first time and with flying colors, just like some of the blogs I’ve read. Of course, it is best to do the tests right the first time. But I did not. Thus, this is another test for me. And I may be sweet lemonizing about this whole thing, but as far as resilience, I did pass. And so here I am.

Looking back, I could have done many things differently. I could think of the general 3. Schedule, material, and focus.

Stick to the study schedule more than the test schedule. Towards the end of my review weeks, my schedule had gone haywire. The successful others were right — even the basic structures like waking up at the same time every morning, to sit and do it, is a key detail. I broke free from the structures and did not finish a significant amount of material—not even the basic material. I was waning on that, too, towards the end. I did not have enough time to go back to everything I had planned to ‘review’ and re-read. Thus, I had none of the the second glance and seal-the-deal breeze. And I needed that. Applying one’s study style is totally different from respecting the required material to cover. Spending too much time in one important subject and consequently leaving the perceived less important ones for a dangerous cram is definitely not the way to go. Then I took the test as scheduled.

Mastery rather than quantity of review sources. I picked some very good sources and I promised to stick with it. I did. But given that, I think I still chose too much. I hope to change that in the next rounds.

Focus. This was my biggest struggle. I already know I have a short attention span. I am trying to figure out for myself now how I can employ maturity and stick to my study focus. Sit and focus. It is hard to stay on track. In my experience, I struggled more with this as time went on.

All that being said, I do not regret one thing. I have no excuses to offer. I will only learn from it. I will overcome. I am moving on.

I am now preparing my reading schedule for the USMLE Step 2 CK, then the USMLE Step 2 CS.

After the Step 2, I will go back to go Step 1 and work better to do better. As the movie goes, “I’ll be back!” Or should I say, I hereby declare this to be the day that I officially own my suck.

No worries.

Sour Gummy Worms or Skittles Sour

Nonni Chocolate Biscotti

Grocery Sushi for lunch

A couple of Diet Cokes or Diet Dr. Peppers or Diet Mountain Dews

Bottled water/juice water

And my comfort book, USMLE Step 1 Recall.

I know, I know, I’m definitely employing a coping mechanism of sorts by thinking about food.

Here I go.

Before I headed out here, I stopped by at the neighborhood grocery store to get some lunch. Sinfully deep fried chicken, buttery rich mashed potatoes, refreshing coleslaw, and a diet Dr. Pepper. Ah, nourishment for the Monday study. This grocery had a rather comfortable general seating/cafe/diner area upstairs with a Starbucks somewhat hidden in a corner which also has an outdoor sitting. I skipped the overpriced latte today and obtained my caffeine dose from the can of soda I got. As I was in the middle of my drink, I sat on the patio under the wave of the sunny warmth for a short while and did a head start with my reading for the day.

I finished a chapter and opened another, I thought I’d continue on till I finish my drink and get ready to proceed to the library for the rest of it. As I was learning Chapter 20, a security guy comes along and sits on the next table and wrote on his paper on a clipboard. I continued with my mumbling (to myself while reading) of the Drugs Affecting Blood to myself and committing to memory. And finally, I downed the last drop of sugar-caffeine-carbon water, folded my chapters (I tear out my book chapters) and fanned myself before I stood to go. And the man in a security uniform in the next table started talking to me. He asked me what I was studying for. I’d rather be brief in these cafe’ conversations. I said, “I’m studying for some licensures.” Then he said, “Great! Nursing?” I answered, “Medicine.” He replied, “You can do it! Yes you can!” What followed was a wonderful snippet of his mother’s life. His mother was a Nurse. “My mother was a R.N. for 38 years! She had me when she was 15 and she quit school. My father then broke up with her. She worked as a Nursing Assistant for so many years before that. Then she met a man who became my step father and he asked her one day if she was tired of earning pennies and if she wants to do something more. After that she enrolled in a Nursing school. She walked through that examination just like that! She did it! And you can too!” He sounded like a subdued minister on the pulpit. It was surreal. He went on, “You’re gonna be doctor?” I nodded in reply, smiled, and said, “Sometimes, I worry.” (Heck, it just felt good saying that. My brain is probably frying under the sweltering heat. But I was truly a bit worried. I mean, who wouldn’t for a big test like this?) Then he said, “Oh! Don’t you be worried! You can do it! I know you can do it! Worry is something you don’t want to do. I do that before too. I sit by myself and worry. Tell yourself you can do it and you can. By worrying you’ll just cloud your mind and mess up on the day you take your test. Don’t worry and you’ll just walk through that test I’m telling you! You can do it, sister! There are worse things than that test. You’ve gotten over some bigger things than that! (pause) Haven’t you?” I said, “Yes.” So he went on again, “Well there you go! And that is why you can do this, sister! You’ll walk through that test and you’ll do fine. You’re gonna get there.” More nods and smiles from me. And a nice remembrance about prayer from the man with a post script about Star Trek’s Nurse Chapel and Captain Kirk. After all that I said my thanks to him for that moment of inspiration. And that truly lightened up my day. It was wonderful. I then packed my stuff and went on with my day feeling lighter and less of the self absorption that is the MLE.

Okay, this is the part where I insert my pretentiously dramatic black and white photograph. I don’t have one from today but I found one taken from some weeks ago.

And this is the part where I have to end this post and get on with my studying.

Sometimes I do feel insecure about my study process and occasionally self-doubt visits me. Though I know there should be no room for this. As there should be no room for uncertainty and negativity in any endeavor, well maybe a bit. But I do not want to forget to use it as a push to go on rather than freeze where I am. And I promised myself I shall carry it and own this choice. And I will keep moving.

This is indeed a ton of material for a test. And sure, it may be difficult. But I will be there on that day. I will pass it.

Kaplan Video

I started with this for this section. I’m somewhere on the fourth part and the lecturer in the video explained the difficult concepts really well. I especially liked his thorough coverage, repeats, and summaries during his lectures. So far so good. What I cannot write here now about this particular review source by posting time, I will do so after my test.

Kaplan Lecture Notes

I’m better at keeping up with reading these notes after the video review for this section than for the Pathology. The diagrams were a great help in confusing me. Just kidding! The diagrams made concepts more understandable. Although I have to admit that sometimes I tend to get tired of them. Diagram overload–which as we know the trend in imparting concepts is really along this tone now.

First Aid for USMLE 2007

This is the bible for our cause, as you may already know. Here is the affirmation. Someone who recently took the test mentioned that his/her experience points to most stuff covered by this book. I’m still on this so I would take that piece of wisdom and make sure I cover this book all through its pages. Thanks, S.

Blackwell’s Underground Clinical Vignettes Pathophysiology Volumes I to III

These are exactly the same volumes as Pathology‘s.

USMLEWorld QBank

I’ve done the tutorials so far. The explanations are huge huge helps for the basic concepts. More thoughts in the future posts.

Kaplan QBook

I have not done any of this yet as I am still finishing up with the videos and lectures. I will write about it more sometime after my exam date.

The Catch:

I feel some form of pressure now which I need to keep me at the reading pace I need. I am still on schedule but very tight. I’ve used up all my reserve-days to catch up on my slow reading days. For this subject I’ve done some pre-testing of my own with the tutorials section of the QBank, something I did not do with Pathology. However, 20 Questions was not all that much space to gauge some stored knowledge and I think I did a bit horribly. On the other hand, on some items I was pleasantly surprised that I still remembered many things. Will post my self-imposed post-test musings sometime after I’m done.

After the break, my new schedule includes a plan to do more hours of reading in a day than I am currently doing when I resume the full days. This takes care of some accumulated lost hours during previous downtimes (and mini-breaks that carried me away to my potential detriment). As I do want to make it to my target test date.

I am currently doing QBanks and the remaining supplementary reads for Pathology. I can’t wait to move on to the next subjects.

Yesterday was the first day of the revised schedule. But it became one of those days when I am unproductive (and I had quite many!). I covered very few topics than I intended to. And the little hours of delay it seems can pile up into big days of behind-hours. I’ll get on to it in the coming days. Aiming to do much better.